Highs and lows

The last week and a half has been strange.

I’ve been struggling, no doubt. Continue reading

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The Present

I have been living in the past and worrying about the future.

Yesterday, I had another therapy appointment. This time, EMDR was on the menu. It has been a long time since I’ve ventured back into the depths of my memory in this way…and it is always something that I approach with anxiety and apprehension.

Sometimes, I respond very emotionally to this process. It is powerful. And real. And hard.

My focus yesterday was to target why I rely so heavily on other people for my value. Why I worry so much and spiral out of control when I feel alone even when I am not really alone. Continue reading

And sometimes, there are only hard choices.

Nothing about growth has been linear. It has been an up and down process…almost circular at times.

I feel better. I lapse. I come back around to the same hurts I’ve been so diligently ignoring. They still hurt.

But something has changed: me.

Somehow, despite all my doubting and all of my insecurities….somehow, I have still gotten stronger.

Braver.

So, I come back around to the hurts…but, each time, I am a little more ready to handle them. To deal with them. Continue reading

A new chapter

I took a magnificent trip this summer.

It was not without its own difficulties. It was my first time leaving the country. My first time leaving my family for more than two or three days.

There were a lot of firsts.

I did not know how I would handle this trip. The growing, healing part of myself was ready to take this adventure head on. To prove to myself that I could.

The scared, anxious part of myself was worried. The What ifs?? were loud and present.

Continue reading