Okay, tonight, I am writing to vent.
I know that I am lucky that I haven’t contracted Covid-19 and neither has my family. I know that I am extremely lucky to be able to work from my home (the hubs, too), and that I am getting a paycheck.
But, can we for one minute acknowledge that sucks? Continue reading
I am not built for winter.
It is an incredibly difficult season for me. I don’t know if it is the lack of sunshine, the limited amount of time outdoors, or a combination of all of those factors–BUT, I struggle with it every. single. year.
Right now, I really need a beach. All of the sun and sand and the melody of seagulls squawking and waves crashing in the background. It is my ultimate relaxation.
…But, a beach is not to be; at least, not until summer vacation. Continue reading
It’s that time of year.
It is dark when I wake up. Dark when I get home.
Cold. Dry. Windy.
It sounds silly to say, but I realized today…I am actually afraid of this time of year and what it will bring. Continue reading
Summer has started and I have quickly discovered that I do not do well with rest and relaxation. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it?
Yet, it’s true. I find small things to feel stressed over. I find ways to make myself busy. I over-analyze people and what they say.
I struggle to just sit and enjoy the quiet and the calm.
I don’t do calm well. It isn’t the norm for me. Continue reading
It has been a long, hard winter.
January and February always bring the doldrums.
This year, it has felt more…stuck. More empty.
I have been beating myself over the “stuck-ness.” Asking, “Why? Why can’t I let this shit go? Why can’t I just move on? Do I like it? Has it all just become my identity?” Continue reading
Bump. Blip. Hurdle. Stumble.
Call it what you want.
Here, I am. Continue reading
The feeling that has been dominating me lately…
…it isn’t anxiety.
…it isn’t sadness.
It is emptiness.
I feel empty. Continue reading
It’s for the best, they say.
As if it is simple.
That easy to believe.
Say it, and it is true. Continue reading
A funny thing has happened to me.
For years–my whole life, really–I kept all of my secrets. I rarely talked about what my childhood was like, or how hard it felt. When I did, I framed it in terms of my resilience…as in, Hey! All these things happened to me, but I turned out okay.
It wasn’t until almost two years ago (in three months I will have been in therapy for TWO YEARS…wow.), that I started to acknowledge things. Continue reading