It’s always about her.

It has been a long, hard winter.

January and February always bring the doldrums.

This year, it has felt more…stuck. More empty.

I have been beating myself over the “stuck-ness.” Asking, “Why? Why can’t I let this shit go? Why can’t I just move on? Do I like it? Has it all just become my identity?” Continue reading



The feeling that has been dominating me lately…

…it isn’t anxiety.

…it isn’t sadness.

It is emptiness.

I feel empty.  Continue reading


For the best

It’s for the best, they say.

As if it is simple.

That easy to believe.

Say it, and it is true. Continue reading


It’s easier to hurt than to heal.

A funny thing has happened to me.

For years–my whole life, really–I kept all of my secrets. I rarely talked about what my childhood was like, or how hard it felt. When I did, I framed it in terms of my resilience…as in, Hey! All these things happened to me, but I turned  out okay. 

It wasn’t until almost two years ago (in three months I will have been in therapy for TWO YEARS…wow.), that I started to acknowledge things.  Continue reading


Where did I lose my worth?

I had coffee after work yesterday with my priest.

He is my priest, but he is also my friend. His wife is one of the important people in my life…a supporter, a role model, a real friend.

The boundaries are fuzzy…but suffice it to say that I have a deep love for my friend and her family…including her husband, who also happens to be the person who helps me navigate aspects of my spiritual life.

Continue reading


Silence, Shame, and Struggling

Silence…shame…and struggling.

That is how I can describe my days lately.

Things at home? Things at home have been better. My husband is trying so hard. I have torn down my walls and let him in. I am letting him hold me. I am asking him to kiss me deeply. I am trying to feel the connection and love between us.

I am trying. I owe him that, after building a life with him for the last 12 years. I owe him one more chance.

Continue reading