Stillness

Yesterday, I had the most amazing experience.

I have always loved the ocean. Since I was a young child, it has been one of my happy places–a place where I feel free and joyous.

Yesterday, my love for the ocean grew. I got to experience something that has always been on my bucket list, but that, until now, I haven’t had the opportunity to do.

Goodbye 2016!

…

….and hello 2017.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2016.

It is also the first day of my 30s.

Not only do I get to welcome in a new year, I also get to welcome in a new decade!

Let’s talk about it: SHAME

Shame.

It’s a word I’ve thrown around a couple of times. An overwhelming wave of emotion. Shockingly, however, while I can feel and name this emotion, I have really never thought to examine its underlying cause.

I mean, where does my shame come from? Why do I feel it so heavily and so readily?

When the heart wants what the mind doesn’t know…

For the last 11 years or so, I have sworn off religion. Where I live–in a rural and conservative community–this is kind of a big deal. To some, this makes me a bad person.

And so, it is one subject that I normally do not talk about. I’ve had my ideas, my own way of doing things, and a husband who was in agreement–and that has been enough. 

With insight, comes change

On Thursday, still reeling from my latest EMDR session, I wrote all about the overwhelming and messy feelings that I was struggling with. It was an emotionally charged post and, un-shockingly, one that made me realize just how hard I can be on myself.

You see, I was so ashamed of myself for realizing that I rely on my failures to shape the person that I am. I was ashamed that I rely on other people’s opinion of me when setting my own self-worth. And, I was ashamed when I realized how strongly judgmental I am…no, not of others, but of myself.

My perfectionism is trying to kill me…

…okay, from my title, we all know I tend to exaggerate.

But seriously. 

School started again a little less than two weeks ago. I am entering my final year of my teacher prep program, and this semester means that I am required to be in class 4 nights a week until 9 pm. It is a full load of classes with a cohort group, and each class is compressed into a week to two weeks. So, it is a lot of deadlines, full days, and stress.

5 Things that Improved My Anxiety

I am not “cured” of anxiety–I have my ups and downs, and I probably always will. However, over the course of the last six months I have discovered some powerful things to help me deal and control my mood and stressors. 

The Power of Exercise

I have never, ever loved to workout. There is no exercise that I have ever really enjoyed doing over the years. I have read, for years, about the power of exercise and mental health, but I never made that a priority.

Before I had my first child, this was not really a problem for me. I was not so focused on being healthy as I was skinny. And, up until my first pregnancy, I was skinny without much effort.