I have had one hell of a…month?
Maybe a year?
However long it has been, I have been especially worried and especially stressed.
This weekend, my husband and I took a trip away. It was nice. We have been able to focus just on us. Lately, there has been a lot of static around our relationship…a lot of focus on what I am going to do, what I want, and why. Continue reading
A funny thing has happened to me.
For years–my whole life, really–I kept all of my secrets. I rarely talked about what my childhood was like, or how hard it felt. When I did, I framed it in terms of my resilience…as in, Hey! All these things happened to me, but I turned out okay.
It wasn’t until almost two years ago (in three months I will have been in therapy for TWO YEARS…wow.), that I started to acknowledge things. Continue reading
I had coffee after work yesterday with my priest.
He is my priest, but he is also my friend. His wife is one of the important people in my life…a supporter, a role model, a real friend.
The boundaries are fuzzy…but suffice it to say that I have a deep love for my friend and her family…including her husband, who also happens to be the person who helps me navigate aspects of my spiritual life.
I have been writing about my emptiness for a long time.
There are days where the loneliness I feel permeates my very being. I feel it, and then I feel myself falling into a deep hole.
For SO long, I have grieved this feeling.
For close to two years, my marriage has been heavily weighing on me.
I have looked at other couples, filled with jealously at what it is they have. The closeness. The intimacy. The connection.
I have felt lonely in my own home. A house with people in it, but no one to really talk to. Continue reading
I went away on a girls’ trip this weekend with a good friend. It was a great way to refresh and take it easy. The scenery was beautiful, the accommodations were beyond comfortable, and the camaraderie was welcomed and needed.
The downside was that I had too much time to reflect and overthink. Continue reading
Since I started teaching in August, I have been tackling a lot of triggers.It has felt very multifaceted…
It is related to the school where I am teaching–one that I actually attended as a child. It is related to what I went through. It is related to who I felt supported by–teachers–always teachers. It is also related to who I am teaching now, and how much I am able to help and support them.
Let me give you a hint…for my struggling students, the ones who remind me of me? Or the ones that have it way worse than I ever had it?
…I am never able to help them enough.
And that hurts my heart. Continue reading