After half a month away, I am finally back at home.
The day that I boarded the plane to go home, I was so antsy. The flight, the layover, the second flight–all of it could not go fast enough. As soon as we touched down on US soil, I was ready to cry…
Gosh, it felt wonderful to be back home. Continue reading
Bright and early tomorrow morning, I am embarking on a huge adventure.
This trip–more than two weeks away in a tropical, foreign country–represents so much more than just a vacation.
You see, this is a trip I am taking alone. With a group of people, yes, but with a group of mostly strangers.
This is a trip that is about ME. Continue reading
That is how the last few months have felt.I had a hell of a start–I pummeled into a dark, scary spot, and literally had to be dragged back out by myself, my therapist, my husband, and some handy-dandy anti-anxiety drugs. Slowly, slowly, growth started happening…I would dip down, and come back up. Then, one day…BAM! I felt better. I realized I was worth it.
I felt like me. Or, at least, the ME I want to be. Continue reading
This is the year of my spiritual awakening.
The year where my soul screamed out, aching for connection. The year where, despite my usual mutterings and logic, I dragged myself to church, looking for…something.
Something I have been pretty sure didn’t exist.
Perfectionist. Driven. Sensitive. Empathetic. Open-minded.
These are words that I might use to describe myself.
One word I have never used is brave. Continue reading
So much is happening.
It is hard to describe. And even harder to accept.
Personal growth is a journey. It’s painful.
Be patient. Be gentle. Be kind to yourself. Find self-compassion.
I keep hearing these things, over and over again. I desperately want them to be enough.
It has been an absolutely intense week. Panic attacks and anxiety reared their heads again. Life was messy and hard. Insomnia has been visiting. It has felt like the perfect storm.
When I had an anxiety attack on Friday, I was immediately transported back to the beginning of this hard journey–of myself, sitting on the bathroom floor, seeing no end to this feeling of uncontrollable panic and fear. It hit me like a train, as it does, and I immediately felt a sense of grief and fear and despair. I didn’t want to be back there. Continue reading
Something scary has happened to me since Friday. My anxiety got triggered and I found myself in its clutches once again. Full-blown panic attacks. Shakiness. Tears.