All the big feelings.

I can’t feel anything small.

For the last month or so, right on track for the last two years, I have been hit with the winter blues.

Or, I don’t know, perhaps it is something more.

It’s that deep, dark hole.

The one where I stand at the bottom, looking up at the light, unable to climb out on my own.  Continue reading

Advertisements

Daughter Detox Reflections, Part 4: Patterns and Partners

Reading through chapter 5 of Peg Streep’s book, Daughter Detox, took me longer than I anticipated.

Christmas break is over, students are back, and I have been exhausted as I try to get my body back into a routine. Reading and writing, sadly, took a backseat over the last week.

Thank goodness for the weekend!

So–chapter 5 deals with the distinguishing phase. In other words, it deals with the way the patterns of behavior we developed during childhood interfere with our relationships today.

Continue reading

Worry and Stress. Stress and Worry.

I have had one hell of a…month?

Maybe a year?

However long it has been, I have been especially worried and especially stressed.

This weekend, my husband and I took a trip away. It was nice. We have been able to focus just on us. Lately, there has been a lot of static around our relationship…a lot of focus on what I am going to do, what I want, and why. Continue reading

Isolation

Every day, I spend time reflecting on who I have in my life.

I have a small circle of supporters. My family–brothers, sisters, parents? They don’t make the list.

Instead, I have found a network of supporters through a lot of trial and error. I have learned hard lessons–I easily trust and willingly share, so I have been hurt by people who I thought I could trust…only to find, I couldn’t.

Continue reading

To love

Love is a topic that is both completely simple and immensely complicated in my life.

I will try to break it down…

Growing up, love was a double edged sword. A weapon, most of the time. At least, in my immediate home.

A few people…namely, my grandma and grandpa, seemed to love me with no strings attached. It was wonderful, and their home became my most favorite place to be.

Continue reading