A few months ago, I was struggling with some really intense feelings.
I had realized, at this point, how much my therapist meant to me. How she had been the ONE person who had been there for me through all my struggles.
The feelings were complicated. I felt ashamed… I realized that I wanted more from the therapy relationship. I didn’t want to just be her client. I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to be special. She made me feel this way…I wanted that feeling to be the truth.
Yet, I also knew that these weren’t the feelings I should be feeling. I know the boundaries that exist in a therapeutic relationship…and I knew that I was beginning to over-rely on her for emotional support. Continue reading
Personal growth is a journey that requires the shedding of many things–old habits, negative thinking, and certain people.
Learning which people should be in my life–which ones deserve my time and love and energy–that has been a growing process in and of itself. Continue reading
I have frequently seen the last year and a half as a journey… A journey through painful growth; a journey through traumas, re-lived and re-processed… A journey full of transformation and an “un-becoming” of the person that trauma, neglect, and criticism made me believe that I was. Continue reading
Right now, I am fighting off the strongest urge to go home. I have a week more of this trip… But all I want do is go home, wrap my kids into a big hug, and be in my own house. Continue reading
Bright and early tomorrow morning, I am embarking on a huge adventure.
This trip–more than two weeks away in a tropical, foreign country–represents so much more than just a vacation.
You see, this is a trip I am taking alone. With a group of people, yes, but with a group of mostly strangers.
This is a trip that is about ME. Continue reading
Every year, there is this holiday that rolls around…I dread it.
My social media feeds are clogged with pictures of smiling mothers and daughters, complete with odes all about how self-sacrificing and completely wonderful all mothers are, and how no one can love you the way your mother loves you.
These posts, every year, fill me with confusion.
They make me jealous, and angry, and sad, and wistful. Continue reading
I’ve been writing a lot lately about my neediness.
The feeling–the desire–to connect with someone was high today.
I am hurting.
My mind has been churning and churning. Thinking too many thoughts. Sad thoughts. Frustrating thoughts. Angering thoughts.
So. Many. Thoughts. Continue reading