Everyday, I can see the progress I’ve made.
That, in and of itself, seems like a miracle at times. For so very long, I felt absolutely STUCK. Progress felt impossible, far-fetched, and highly unlikely.
Day by day. Minute by grueling minute. I. Kept. Going.
And slowly, ever so slowly, life started to shift.
My anxiety became easier to control. I started to get some of my confidence back. I started to no longer need my therapist to hold my hand through every moment. Continue reading
Finding my footing during the fall is always an experience. The level of stress in our household seems to go up 200%. My husband and I both go back to our jobs, the kids start school and fall activities. Life becomes hectic–and self-care becomes much harder.
I have been quite terrible at writing lately. There have been many, many nights throughout the summer where I’ve tried to encourage myself to pick up the keyboard and write…but, I just couldn’t.
In nearly every aspect of my life lately, I have been lacking motivation. I can’t quite talk myself into writing. Into running. Into getting up early. Into cleaning.
I’ve been avoiding writing lately. Why? I do not know. Other than, it is always easier for me to write–or really, necessary, for me to write, when I am depressed or hurting.
And, perhaps, that it is it. I am not depressed and hurting any more.
Don’t get me wrong. My stress level as of late has been pretty incredible. There is no tired like end of the school year tired. My days have been a blur of field trips, field days, graduations, assemblies, parties, and behaviors.
It has been EXHAUSTING, and I have been in total survival mode. Continue reading
As I was teaching science to my students the other day, discussing earth’s changes, I started to think of the term “weathering.” The way I teach it, weathering is what happens when a cliff is hit by a wave repeatedly…slowly, over time, the water wears the cliff away.
I realized…I feel like the cliff. The waves hit, again and again, as I remain steadfast. Slowly, over time, the waves change me…but the process in and of itself is not a fast one.
So, despite my recent case of the winter blues, I have continued to read my latest self-help book, Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life, by Peg Streep.
Chapter 6 is a chapter I had been eagerly anticipating–it discusses the hidden obstacles within the unloved daughter–those unconscious patterns of behaviors…that hidden “script” that our bodies–our emotions–automatically flip to when we react.
I have been fighting this unconscious script since I started therapy two years ago–I’ve gotten really good at identifying the patterns and the behaviors, but I have continually asked myself: HOW? How do I STOP hearing the mean voice? Or panicking at the thought of messing up and losing someone? Or ____? Continue reading
The feeling that has been dominating me lately…
…it isn’t anxiety.
…it isn’t sadness.
It is emptiness.
I feel empty. Continue reading