I took a magnificent trip this summer.
It was not without its own difficulties. It was my first time leaving the country. My first time leaving my family for more than two or three days.
There were a lot of firsts.
I did not know how I would handle this trip. The growing, healing part of myself was ready to take this adventure head on. To prove to myself that I could.
The scared, anxious part of myself was worried. The What ifs?? were loud and present.
Our brains are really tricky organs.
I have been at a point, for awhile now, where I know what is causing my anxiety. However, despite being cognitively aware of some of the causes, and trying to talk myself down logically, my body reacts on autopilot.
Breaking that script is difficult. Continue reading
I’ve always been the type of person to avoid confrontation. For me, it is more than just unpleasant–it is emotionally fueled, painful, and anxiety provoking.
It has always been easier…better…to just be the peacemaker. The nurturer.
I was cultivated into this role from an early age. The first person that I tried to avoid confrontation with is a person that I still try to avoid confrontation with: my mother.
I am a many layered entity.
There have been many times throughout this journey to healing where I have thought I have reached my center, only to be surprised to discover more layers of complexities underneath.
Diligently, I have peeled back layer after layer. Gruelingly, grudgingly, and guardedly, at times. Happily, laughingly, and interestedly, at others.
The fact, however, remains: finding the center is hard to do… Continue reading
I am a Type A person.
I like things to be perfect. In my control. I like everyone to feel happy.
I stress…and worry…and stress some more because the things I like to see are hard on my soul.
Most of the time, you see, they are out of my control. Continue reading
I have always had insecurities.
From a young age, I learned to read the room–facial expressions, sighs (these were a big one), body language.
This skill helped me predict. Did I need to leave the room? Did I need to smooth over a potential problem? Did I need to apologize for my existence? Continue reading
Yesterday, I had the most amazing experience.
I have always loved the ocean. Since I was a young child, it has been one of my happy places–a place where I feel free and joyous.
Yesterday, my love for the ocean grew. I got to experience something that has always been on my bucket list, but that, until now, I haven’t had the opportunity to do. Continue reading