I’ve been avoiding writing lately. Why? I do not know. Other than, it is always easier for me to write–or really, necessary, for me to write, when I am depressed or hurting.
And, perhaps, that it is it. I am not depressed and hurting any more.
Don’t get me wrong. My stress level as of late has been pretty incredible. There is no tired like end of the school year tired. My days have been a blur of field trips, field days, graduations, assemblies, parties, and behaviors.
It has been EXHAUSTING, and I have been in total survival mode. Continue reading
As I was teaching science to my students the other day, discussing earth’s changes, I started to think of the term “weathering.” The way I teach it, weathering is what happens when a cliff is hit by a wave repeatedly…slowly, over time, the water wears the cliff away.
I realized…I feel like the cliff. The waves hit, again and again, as I remain steadfast. Slowly, over time, the waves change me…but the process in and of itself is not a fast one.
So, despite my recent case of the winter blues, I have continued to read my latest self-help book, Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life, by Peg Streep.
Chapter 6 is a chapter I had been eagerly anticipating–it discusses the hidden obstacles within the unloved daughter–those unconscious patterns of behaviors…that hidden “script” that our bodies–our emotions–automatically flip to when we react.
I have been fighting this unconscious script since I started therapy two years ago–I’ve gotten really good at identifying the patterns and the behaviors, but I have continually asked myself: HOW? How do I STOP hearing the mean voice? Or panicking at the thought of messing up and losing someone? Or ____? Continue reading
The feeling that has been dominating me lately…
…it isn’t anxiety.
…it isn’t sadness.
It is emptiness.
I feel empty. Continue reading
Every day, I spend time reflecting on who I have in my life.
I have a small circle of supporters. My family–brothers, sisters, parents? They don’t make the list.
Instead, I have found a network of supporters through a lot of trial and error. I have learned hard lessons–I easily trust and willingly share, so I have been hurt by people who I thought I could trust…only to find, I couldn’t.
Sundays are always hard for me.
The weekend is over. The new week and all of its tasks are looming.
But loneliness is the real killer. Continue reading
I went away on a girls’ trip this weekend with a good friend. It was a great way to refresh and take it easy. The scenery was beautiful, the accommodations were beyond comfortable, and the camaraderie was welcomed and needed.
The downside was that I had too much time to reflect and overthink. Continue reading