Daughter Detox Reflections, Part 3: How mom’s behavior shapes yours

I am continuing to read my way through Peg Streep’s book, Daughter Detox. Chapter 4 deals not with how your mother treated you, but how you responded to the way she treated you.

If you have spent any amount of time around children, you probably know that children can react to the same incident in many different ways. The same is true, after all, for adults.

As a teacher, I see it all the time–we have the students who are externalizers–they are the ones that act out. They might act out in many different ways–yelling, screaming, throwing, running around…this type of acting out is pretty familiar to most people. We see it and we hear about it often.

Then, we have students who are internalizers. They get quiet. They withdraw. They hold everything that is hurting them, or scaring them, deep inside.

What child were you?  Continue reading

Advertisements

Daughter Detox Reflections, Part Two: All in the family

As the end of my Christmas break neared, I found myself increasingly pulled into Peg Streep’s latest book, Daughter Detox. 

Earlier I wrote about my reflections from Part One, with focused on discovering the power of attachment and maternal power. 

Chapter three focuses on the first part of stage two: Discernment.

Discernment relates to the way in which the unloved daughter can consider her family’s relational patterns, and chapter three looks specifically at family ripple effects…how did her parents interact? What was the relationship with her siblings like? Did she have any supportive people in her life? Continue reading

Daughter Detox Reflections, Part 1: Maternal Power

It’s 2018, ya’ll!

On December 31, 2016, I was cursing the end of a hell of a year. I was ready to kick it to the curb and embrace 2017–I had just turned 30, I was going to go on an amazing trip in May…this was going to be MY. YEAR.

Well.

I’m always an idealist.

Truth was, 2017 was still hard. In different ways. But, painful ways.

I continued to grow. I continued to learn more about myself…yet remained fixed in the pain and unable to let it go. I made mistakes, questioned my relationships, and struggled with who I was versus who I wanted to be.

2018 will be a year where I am much more realistic.

Guess what? I am not perfect.

But guess what else? I know this. I also know that I do NOT have to have everything all figured out RIGHT NOW. I can take my time. I can just be in the NOW.

First up on my 2018 agenda?? Learning to get over the wounds of my childhood. The wounds that run so deep, and are related–so much so–to my mother and our relationship.

I am going to learn how to believe that I am lovable.

To start, I purchased and have begun reading a new book, called Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life by Peg Streep.

As I read this book, I am continually surprised at how RIGHT ON the descriptions are. Like, literally, I can pick myself right off the page…I am reading the text and think, Oh my god…that is SO me.

It is both sobering and refreshing.

As I read, I am going to use my blog as a journal–reflecting on what I am learning and processing my way through the pages…and by the end, I hope that I will finally be able to let the pain go. Continue reading

Mom.

I am going to try to write and process something that is rather difficult for me.

Yesterday, I finally had a chance to do another EMDR session. Once again, I concentrated on my fear of abandonment, and the chronic belief that I am unworthy of love.

The session began with the same triggering moment that always seems to surface–the day, right before 3rd grade–that my grandmother gave my brother and I “back” to my mom. The day she left us…the day that I panicked, and experienced what must have been my very first panic attack.

It is familiar. I have written and written and written about it.

know that it is a moment. And I have been desperate to dig deeper and try to understand why I am so anxious about losing important relationships. Why I spiral down into a dark hole when I fear I’ve messed up. Why I need reassurance that things are okay. Continue reading

Worry and Stress. Stress and Worry.

I have had one hell of a…month?

Maybe a year?

However long it has been, I have been especially worried and especially stressed.

This weekend, my husband and I took a trip away. It was nice. We have been able to focus just on us. Lately, there has been a lot of static around our relationship…a lot of focus on what I am going to do, what I want, and why. Continue reading