Am I worthy?

My entire life I have been a pleaser.

My self worth has constantly been gauged–for good and for bad–in the way others have seen me and in how well I could perform in school and other activities.

Forget intrinsic motivation–when it came to school, while I like learning, I became incredibly fixed on the extrinsic reward system of grades…I learned quickly that grades could surprise people–could impress them–could get them to notice me. Continue reading

When saying “No” wasn’t enough

This week, the internet erupted in chatter and condemnation of Brock Turner, a champion swimmer from Stanford University who was convicted of raping an unconscious woman after a party. The judge, disgustingly, ruled that this young man–this rapist–will be serving less than six months in jail.

This is not justice. Not for the victim. Not for women anywhere.

After the ruling came out, the victim released a brutally honest statement to her perpetrator.  I came across this on Facebook, as I was scrolling through, and I soon found myself pulled into her story, with tears streaming down my face, aching for her and the injustice of the entire situation.

Sexual assault. It happens. Unfortunately, it happens far too often and, as women, we are often taught that we cannot speak out and share the terrible things that happened to US…because there is so often judgement about what we “could have done” to stop it.

Twice in my life, I have been sexually assaulted. I read once that children who have been sexually abused are more likely to be sexually assaulted as adults. For me, unfortunately, this is a truth. Continue reading

Growing Pains!

As an individual who has always been very introspective and psychologically oriented, I realized a few months ago that I was beginning to feel OVERWHELMED. Depressed. Anxious.

There was not any one particular cause. Rather, it felt like I was on a roller coaster and was picking up more and more baggage as I flew by. After struggling from a panic attack, I finally sat back and realized something…I need help! Continue reading

Reflecting on My Own Resiliency

 

Life is messy. Life is complicated.

My early childhood was no exception to this rule.

Nowadays, we refer to the difficult things that children experience as ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences. An ACEs score generally reflects how awful and rough a person’s childhood was due to factors like abuse, neglect, or family dysfunction (think drugs, mental illness, etc.). My ACEs score is a 5–too high. Continue reading