A Season of Mindfulness and Meditation

I have not been a religious person over the last ten years, nor did I have a very religious upbringing. I fell into a crowd of religious teens during my teenage years, but swiftly denounced much of that after witnessing what I felt was a lot of hypocrisy and hate. Plus, I went to college, and became “too smart for that.”

I’m learning my journey back to religion isn’t very unique. No…many, many people follow a similar path and, when they find that they can no longer walk the hard journey of life alone, they seek something more.

That is what I did. About 6 months ago, in the midst of yet more struggles, I decided I needed to try giving some of my pain–my hardship–to someone bigger than myself. Someone who could, I hoped, give me some comfort. Continue reading

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My perfectionism is trying to kill me…

…okay, from my title, we all know I tend to exaggerate.

But seriously. what-do-you-4d6bpu

School started again a little less than two weeks ago. I am entering my final year of my teacher prep program, and this semester means that I am required to be in class 4 nights a week until 9 pm. It is a full load of classes with a cohort group, and each class is compressed into a week to two weeks. So, it is a lot of deadlines, full days, and stress. Continue reading

The thing about anxiety…

The thing about my anxiety, and maybe ALL anxiety, is that it can always come back.

I have been feeling amazing over the last few months–feeling NORMAL (whatever the hell that means). This last week though, for whatever reason, I have suddenly found myself feeling random bouts of panic and anxiety. Continue reading

Getting healthy amidst the dysfunction

Every day, I feel my mind and my heart getting stronger. Every day, I realize that I am on a path to finding “me” and, finally, I have begun to enjoy this journey.

One thing I did not consider, however, is the way my relationships would change because  I have begun this journey. During therapy, my own family dysfunction has glared at me, and I have learned how to stare it down…and, believe it or not, I feel like I am winning.

Continue reading

Mothering after a painful childhood

No matter who you are, parenting is simultaneously magical and wonderful and terrifying and worrying. As a mother of two, the minute my first baby, a girl, was laid on my chest after delivery, I was immediately enraptured by this perfect and beautiful little thing that grew.

10400090_58663716925_6279003_nI was confident, despite being only 22. I had done my homework and I had many idealized visions of what parenting and motherhood would look like.  Continue reading