Life is Heavy

I have been needing to write for ages.

But, I haven’t been able to.

Life has been so heavy, in so many ways.

It is more than just Co-Vid 19 (though, that has been huge). It is also the absolute discord that this virus, our president, and everything else that has been thrust upon us.

I had to quit Facebook again. I just can’t stomach the punches that people are constantly throwing at each other, or to one side in general.

Let me be clear: I don’t believe the virus is a hoax. I do believe that masks help protect other people and see it as a duty to wear one.

If that makes me a “Sheeple…” well…fuck you. I’d rather be a considerate sheep than a complete asshole who throws a fit about having to follow a rule.

I am SICK. AND. TIRED. of being made to feel small because I am a liberal in the land of conservatives. I am SICK. AND. TIRED. of people talking to me like I am stupid for believing in SCIENCE.

What the hell has happened to our world??

We have been home since March. We are a two teacher household, so we were both working from home and monitoring our two kids’ virtual learning.

It has been hard. There is no doubt about that. We are tired of each other. The kids need routine. My husband needs a break from us. We couldn’t go on vacation.

It has sucked. 2020 sucks.

This summer was not what anyone planned. We didn’t do anything fun. The kids are bored and have only seen friends a handful of times.

My grandma died. (I will have to write about this when I can muster the courage and energy)

I’m in grad school.

And, school is starting again.

For all of us. My kids are going back, so far, face to face with a mask mandate. So is my husband.

I am the only one who’s school does NOT have a mask mandate.

Masks at my school are optional. And kids below grade 3 never have to wear them–meaning my students will never be required to wear one.

I’ve tried to explain that, if one person chooses not to wear a mask, they are, essentially, choosing for everyone in the room.

It will not matter if I choose to wear a mask. Not when I am surrounded by 16 little people who won’t be wearing one.

I will wear one to show kids that it can be normal.

And yes, as a teacher, I have qualms. I teach with my face. I love my kids. I love to give hugs.

But, again…what if? What if I contract the virus and am one of the unlucky ones?

Is it worth the risk?

People I work with love to argue that it is no worse that the flu. And that we don’t wear masks because of the flu.

They also love to say it is just political and, after November, CoVid won’t be a problem anymore.

It makes feel full of rage. And I want to argue. But, also…it isn’t worth it. I know that, no matter what I say, it won’t make an impact.

Plus, I hate the looks I get. The eye rolls. The looks of pity because clearly, “I’ve drunk the koolaid” or I believe “mainstream media.”

It’s bad, guys.

For the first year, I just really don’t want to go back to school. I miss my routine. I miss my students like crazy.

But also, shit’s about to blow up here.

I can feel it.