Pressure Cooker

Okay, tonight, I am writing to vent.

know that I am lucky that I haven’t contracted Covid-19 and neither has my family. I know that I am extremely lucky to be able to work from my home (the hubs, too), and that I am getting a paycheck.

But, can we for one minute acknowledge that sucks?

We are at a seriously unique point in history. Collectively, we are experiencing something that is simultaneously traumatic, life changing, and unbelievable.

The news blows me away. My screen time was up something like 64% last week. Why? Because I continually and obsessively check the local and national news.

Covid-19 is in my community now. Just “barely,” if that is a thing. However, the very first case was considered to be a “community spread” case–basically meaning that the virus has been here and more people are positive–we just don’t know it because we can’t get tested.

At home, we are packed in. My husband is working constantly from home, hiding in a basement room on Zoom meetings. I find myself having to constantly remind myself that I shouldn’t resent him for having to actually work during the day.

But, it is hard. Homeschooling two kids–even as a TEACHER–is NOT fun. It is full of whining and bitching, and lots of time with the refrigerator open.

Education is not meant to be solely online–especially for primary aged students. There is, however, no choice.

So, in the words of my 7 year old, “Homeschool isn’t any fun!! I thought it would be fun but it is just mean!!”

There is this constant battle over technology–a sort of race to see how quickly they can get through an online lesson and play Roblox or play on Messenger Kids.

God forbid I utter the words, “Go outside! It’s recess time…just GO.” 

Often these words are met with, “But I’m talking to my friend! I can’t even go to school and I haven’t seen my friends in a YEAR. But you won’t even let me talk to them!!”

::DEEP BREATHS::

Then, of course, I am still working at home, too. Luckily, I seem to have more flexibility than my husband. I can work at weird hours and prep and schedule posts. I just have to be available for parents and communications, and occasionally attend meetings via Zoom.

(Also, can we get a “What, What!!” for the creators of Zoom? They are real saviors in this crisis.)

But, you guys.

This feels like BULLSHIT.

Did I mention–I am supposed to cook three meals a day?!

It is A LOT.

I am most likely going to have to cancel our family vacation scheduled for the beginning of summer break. No 5th grade graduation for my oldest. No music concerts. No end of. year field trips.

No saying goodbye to my own students.

We are all grieving the loss of something.

I need PERSPECTIVE.

I know this. And trust me, I know my “suffering” isn’t anything compared to others around the nation and around the globe.

Nothing.

But, let’s not compare for a second.

Let’s just acknowledge something–this whole pandemic is creating a pressure cooker in nearly every home in the country. It might look different, but parents are stressed and worried. Kids are anxious and annoyed and bored. Teachers are working their asses off to make remote learning mean something even though we have no real idea how to do it.

Teachers–your parents aren’t okay.

Parents–your teachers aren’t okay.

World–we aren’t okay.

And, sometimes, it is just freaking okay to admit that and commiserate with one another.

This shit is hard.

It is unprecedented and NONE of us really know what to do or what tomorrow is going to look like.

We might be hiding in closets, cracking open bottles of wine at 3PM, going on lots of walks, FaceTiming everyone we know, forgetting what day it is and…

You know what?

It is all okay.

None of this is really okay.

So we are making it up as we go. Surviving each day–some days much more neatly and nicely than others.

We find joy and laughter is stupid memes. We play board games and jump on trampolines. We try to connect in new ways and enjoy the time we do have with one another.

We cry in bathrooms and on phones. We wish we could just have 5 minutes alone. We think, maybe, we will end up in an orange jumpsuit when this is all said and done.

But, together, we are all still doing it.

Isolating. Staying home. Doing what we can in this time of crazy to control what we can.

Ourselves.

…So, let’s check our judgment at the door and smile from the other side of the street when we walk by on our 5th walk of the day.

This is hard for everyone. 

Kindness can go a long way. ❤

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