How do you slow down?

Do you ever feel like chaos is easier to deal with than quiet?

Common sense says that self care equals slowing down.

And, honestly, it does.

Yet, when I start to feel that pace slowing–when things start to feel calm and quiet–I feel like I don’t quite know what to do with myself.

I tend to create some kind of chaos.

Maybe I plan a complicated vacation to look forward to.

Maybe I take everything out of a bedroom and reorganize it.

Maybe I try to solve some big problem for students at school.

Maybe I turn some small, little problem into something gigantic.

But the quiet?

I’m not so good at that.

You would think, by now, I’d embrace that quiet.

The stillness.

But truthfully? Stillness freaks me out.

It is not a norm.

Productivity, for me, happens in this weird space between being really stressed out and slightly bored. I do best when I am almost overwhelmed–but not quite there yet.

The problem?

Sometimes, when it is quiet, I create chaos. It starts little–like re-organizing. But it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and, before I know it, I look around and am overwhelmed by the realization that the job is more overwhelming than I intended.

And then? I freeze. Or freak out some more.

Yet, I do it again, and again, and again.

I mean…I take a bubble bath here and there. I try to write some, though my inspiration has felt zapped. I hurt my foot and haven’t been able to run…

So, what else does self care look like?

Clearly, it is not creating more work for myself? Or is it?

Do you struggle with the quiet? How do you take care of you?