Unmotivated

I have been unmotivated for quite awhile.

I still do all of my usual things. I drag myself to the gym. I go to work. I cook and clean. I hang with the kids.

But, most of the time, I have so little desire for any of it.

What does it mean?

I wonder about depression. Is this what it feels like?

The thing is…I am not stuck in bed. I’m just tired. Exhausted. All I really desire is alone time and silence.

I feel easily irritated. My fuse is short. This, of course, causes guilt on many fronts. In the classroom, I don’t have as much patience as I would like. At home, I get grumpy at my kids and then immediately feel bad about it.

I have zero desire for sex or connection with my husband. When I get up to bed, I am just ready for sleep. I cannot seem to even talk myself in to snuggling or cuddling.

At one point–those were the things I felt desperate for.

Now? I just feel…nothing.

It all feels like an inconvenience. A frustration. An exhaustion.

It makes me sad.

I feel like I am going through each and every day, paddling and keeping my head above water–but just barely. It feels like survival, and nothing more.

Why?

I want more than that. I just don’t know how to spark the motivation within me to make that happen.

 

5 thoughts on “Unmotivated

  1. emje January 27, 2019 / 10:55 am

    ❤ i am familiar with a lot of what you describe here. i wish i could be of more help than to let you know you are not alone.

    Like

  2. grace to survive January 28, 2019 / 5:09 am

    If it’s winter where you live and you’re in an area like mine where sunshine is scarce, you may want to have your D3 levels checked. It could be reversed as easily as taking a supplement. While you’re at it, have iron and B12 checked. Perhaps you’re anemic, or slightly so.

    Like

  3. countryheartspark January 29, 2019 / 3:06 am

    This is depression and you are not alone. Depression is not just about feeling sad, it is mostly feeling overwhelmed with little enjoyment or desire left, sometimes emotional numbness. Please see your doctor to discuss it. I did… and was put on anti-depressant/anxiety medication… and I have been feeling great, the best I have been in years. Look after yourself… because you deserve to be happy and feel full of life again. I know… as I was there once too. PS. your description is perfectly explained in your blog. Thank you for sharing your in-depth emotions.

    Like

  4. Positively Alyssa February 3, 2019 / 5:56 pm

    Sadly I understand this way too much! Life isn’t easy and then when depression kicks in it gets impossible! I want to thank you for sharing your emotions and please know you are not alone.

    Like

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