For the best

It’s for the best, they say.

As if it is simple.

That easy to believe.

Say it, and it is true.

But.

It is not that simple.

It is not that simple because I feel.

I feel confused. I feel battered and broken. I feel unlovable, and stupid, and betrayed.

I feel worried.

Worried that I have no value. Worried that none of it meant a thing. Worried that I will be abandoned by the people I love.

I feel guilt.

Guilt over my mistake.

I feel shame.

Shame that I am human. Shame that I care. Shame that I am confused. Shame that it hurts.

It may be for the best, I say.

But it is not that simple.

It is not that easy to believe.

I? I am heartbroken, for many reasons. In pain, for many reasons.

Many of my own doing…but…nothing about it is easy.

Nothing.

Even if it is for the best.

6 thoughts on “For the best

  1. Ashley December 3, 2017 / 7:28 am

    Brene Brown writes and speaks beautifully about her research on shame, including an excellent TED Talk. Changed my perspective.

    Like

    • Erica December 3, 2017 / 7:45 am

      Yes, I love Brene Brown! I have watch all her TED talks and read her books. She is a great resource. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  2. throwntogetherness December 6, 2017 / 1:09 pm

    I really like what different writers around the Enneagram have to say about those of us in the ‘heart triad’ that tend toward shame. It helped me accept that this is what I do, and it’s a feeling I tend towards, rather than getting stuck in it. Have you ever read much around the Enneagram, erica? I’m enjoying a podcast called Typology which is great for getting a sense of the different types and their pathways of development

    Like

    • Erica December 6, 2017 / 2:12 pm

      No, I’m not familiar with it at all! I will have to do some research. 🙂

      Like

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