Healing is not linear. It does not happen in a straight line.
It has small ups and large downs. Large ups and small downs.
Ups and downs.
It is hard to predict, and even harder to count on.
Piece by piece, it starts to come together.
…And, sometimes, piece by piece it falls apart.
Sometimes, the downs are too down. That happened recently.
For the first time, I wanted to quit. I wanted to just give up. To end the journey of healing and just be where I am am.
There was a problem, however. I did not like where I was.
Once the journey to healing starts, there is no going back.
My eyes–my eyes are now FOREVER open to things they once could not see.
I felt like a fish, flopping out of water. Gasping to breathe.
It was an intensely painful, lonely experience…wanting to shed the hurts, the isolation…but realizing that the only way out is through.
There is no way out once I start. There is no taking it back.
As hard as it is, I can only go through. I can only keep healing, keep patching my heart, and keep going up and down.
The pieces will fit back together…and someday, the picture will be clear.