A letter to myself

Dear self,

Right now, you are hurting. You feel like there is a deep, deep hole, in the middle of your chest–and you are unable to stitch it closed.

You want to find others to fill that hole for you. Others who will fill it with connection, and love, and hugs. Others who will know you and hear you and see you. Continue reading

Dependence.

It’s been no secret that I rely heavily on my therapist. It’s true…

I do. 

Throughout the last year, she has absolutely been my rock. The one person who I could always rely on…who I could talk to about anything…who I could always feel safe around.  Continue reading

What stands in my way?

Healing is a constant journey–one that has felt anything but easy for me.

Since the middle of January, I have been struggling. Anytime I struggle, I get filled with frustration, shame, embarrassment, and anger–at myself.

Over and over and over again, I have asked myself: Why is it so hard to let some of this go? Why am I so stuck in this struggle?

Continue reading

Digging Deep

What a weekend it has been.

…I felt like I was barely going to make it. The sense of loneliness, the sadness, the anxiety, and the injustice hit me like a train Thursday and Friday, and assaulted my senses. I couldn’t shake it off. I needed to vent it–find support, in the way wanted it–before I exploded all over the place.

The problem? I couldn’t find the support. I tried, in my way. But it didn’t happen. I started drowning. Continue reading

Tripping over triggers

I feel like I’ve been walking around with an open wound lately. It takes so little to trigger my emotions–the anxiety, the panic, the melancholy and depression.

I feel like my body is a messenger–trying to tell me something that I can’t quite seem to pick up. The thoughts roll through my head, the feelings flow, and the anxiety bubbles up.

But what is at the center? What is the cause?

Continue reading