About a year ago, the balance of my life shifted–I went from a woman who could dysfunctionally cope with everything life was throwing at her, to a woman whose coping mechanisms no longer worked.
I was in need.
In need of someone to help me. Guide me. Hold me. Care for me. Love me.
Over the last year, I have also started to realize that, apart from my own children, who regularly need me and who I love, I continue to be that person in need, but rarely that person who is needed. Continue reading
Our lives are a journey…an unknown path that we are traversing, daily, as we try to live our lives.
The idea that this path is known–not to me, but to a higher power–is new to me.
And yet, I cannot deny that the last year has been a series of choices that have continued to put me on a path towards growth and healing.
It just came to me. Right now.
I have asked, Why is it so hard to let go of that hope of having a mom who cares?
And, Why do I feel so lonely, at times? Why do I have to NEED someone to talk to? Why is that the only thing that makes me feel better?
The last year has been so hard for me.
But, you wouldn’t know.
You know that I have struggled with anxiety and depression. I confessed this to you, bawling, in a moment of weakness when I felt broken…hoping, hoping, that you could help fix me. You told me women in our family are tough. We don’t let anxiety win…we are better than that.
You never told me that it was just okay. Continue reading