If you’ve read my blog, you know that I have been struggling through a myriad of emotions as I’ve journeyed through one of the hardest years of my life.
The journey to accepting what was done to me, to becoming enough for me, to believing–like really believing–that I can be loved, has been immensely painful, confusing, and difficult.
People have talked about “the other side.” When I was in the middle of the muck, “the other side” seemed like some magical location that I was NEVER. EVER. going to reach.
…and then, just like that, after a few extremely hard months, something shifted.
And it all became clear. I can see the other side.
Am I totally “cured?” No. But…
This feeling–this realization?–feels absolutely fantastic. I feel absolutely fantastic.
How did it happen, after months and months? I can’t really say.
All I know, is that I feel as I have been doing some real soul work. Therapy, for me, has been so much more than talking through the stuff that happened.
It has been a place where I can voice anything. Everything. However horrible it may seem to say aloud.
It has been a place where I have felt absolutely safe and cared for. Supported through it all. I am thankful, everyday, that I walked into the therapy office that I did. My therapist laughs with me, lets me sob and just feel, pushes me, and, most importantly, I think, waits pretty patiently until I can believe the things she is telling me are true. And, sometimes, that has been a loooong wait. In a few words, she is really freaking amazing.
Therapy has also been a place where I have begun to figure out who I want to be. Who I can be.
It is the very first place I have ever felt comfortable voicing my spiritual concerns. The place where I gave myself permission to discover…to just experience the spiritual awakening that was stirring in my soul, without the need to label it or over-analyze.
It is also a place where I have begun to redefine the things I am capable of doing. I have learned…I CAN do hard things. I CAN do scary things. And, most importantly, I can survive and become even STRONGER.
The journey to all of this has been many things. Sucky. Hard. Horrible. Anxiety-ridden. Depressing. Difficult….you get the picture.
But, it has also been WORTH IT.
If you’re in the middle of the muck…Just keep going. Give yourself permission to be messy, to feel, to voice the fears, the trauma, all the things you don’t want to face. Give yourself permission to rest.
But, don’t give up.
That magical “other side?”