Suspend your disbelief

This is the year of my spiritual awakening.

The year where my soul screamed out, aching for connection. The year where, despite my usual mutterings and logic, I dragged myself to church, looking for…something.

Something I have been pretty sure didn’t exist.
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What growth takes…

It has been an absolutely intense week. Panic attacks and anxiety reared their heads again. Life was messy and hard. Insomnia has been visiting. It has felt like the perfect storm.

ad6632260248e5df19a1aa1c5c55ab90When I had an anxiety attack on Friday, I was immediately transported back to the beginning of this hard journey–of myself, sitting on the bathroom floor, seeing no end to this feeling of uncontrollable panic and fear. It hit me like a train, as it does, and I immediately felt a sense of grief and fear and despair. I didn’t want to be back there. Continue reading

To feel and remember

I learned today that a new memory triggers a much stronger physical response for me.

EMDR was hard for me when I first started. Sometimes, it still is. I have to really work on calming my body and calming my mind–taking deep breaths and releasing the tension and the expectation that I have to produce something specific. I am getting better at letting my mind go where it needs to go–but it is not my natural inclination to allow it to just do its thing and give up control. Continue reading