I have had one hell of a…month?
Maybe a year?
However long it has been, I have been especially worried and especially stressed.
This weekend, my husband and I took a trip away. It was nice. We have been able to focus just on us. Lately, there has been a lot of static around our relationship…a lot of focus on what I am going to do, what I want, and why. Continue reading
Every day, I spend time reflecting on who I have in my life.
I have a small circle of supporters. My family–brothers, sisters, parents? They don’t make the list.
Instead, I have found a network of supporters through a lot of trial and error. I have learned hard lessons–I easily trust and willingly share, so I have been hurt by people who I thought I could trust…only to find, I couldn’t.
It’s for the best, they say.
As if it is simple.
That easy to believe.
Say it, and it is true. Continue reading
A funny thing has happened to me.
For years–my whole life, really–I kept all of my secrets. I rarely talked about what my childhood was like, or how hard it felt. When I did, I framed it in terms of my resilience…as in, Hey! All these things happened to me, but I turned out okay.
It wasn’t until almost two years ago (in three months I will have been in therapy for TWO YEARS…wow.), that I started to acknowledge things. Continue reading
Love is a topic that is both completely simple and immensely complicated in my life.
I will try to break it down…
Growing up, love was a double edged sword. A weapon, most of the time. At least, in my immediate home.
A few people…namely, my grandma and grandpa, seemed to love me with no strings attached. It was wonderful, and their home became my most favorite place to be.
I had coffee after work yesterday with my priest.
He is my priest, but he is also my friend. His wife is one of the important people in my life…a supporter, a role model, a real friend.
The boundaries are fuzzy…but suffice it to say that I have a deep love for my friend and her family…including her husband, who also happens to be the person who helps me navigate aspects of my spiritual life.
That is how I can describe my days lately.
Things at home? Things at home have been better. My husband is trying so hard. I have torn down my walls and let him in. I am letting him hold me. I am asking him to kiss me deeply. I am trying to feel the connection and love between us.
I am trying. I owe him that, after building a life with him for the last 12 years. I owe him one more chance.